My Background

So here goes nothing.

I am a 24 year old, 5'10" broad shouldered, big boned young women. I have been skinny but I have never been small. In high school at around 150 lbs, my hips bones used to stick out at least an inch and I had very prominent collar bones. I was also pretty muscular though which didn't help out my "linebacker shoulders" very much. I played volleyball, and did colorguard in the band in the fall and played bass clarinet in the spring. I was always very active but with a particular fondness for long naps. I was so used to a hectic schedule that by senior year, I had contracted mono, and didn't even know it until my tonsils started turning white. The doctor asked if I had noticed any unusual tiredness, to which I replied, I'm always tired, but thats been the norm for the past 4 years.

So that really started my weight gain, I was put on immediate bed rest for the next week, and ordered no physical activity during that time. I put on 20 lbs that much. I guess which goes to show you how much no physical activity affected my body, considering I ate a lot of food daily to keep up with the calories I was burning, until I wasn't burning any and just kept eating the same. The next year I went to Virginia Tech and was introduced into some amazing food that I have never had acess to before. I think I only put on around 10 lbs, nothing too noticeable. The next year I moved off campus and started living alone. Sophmore year I was up to around 200 lbs. Easily the biggest of my friends but I didn't feel fat. I felt sexy. My favorite phrase at the time was Dangerous Curves ahead. My friends were sticks, one had boobs but nothing else going for her, the other had a butt but she was still stick straight. Whereas I was like Kim Kardashian with a small gut. All hourglassy and wonderful. I loved that time. We went out a lot and just had a blast.

Then I got in a relationship with a guy from back home, who loved my curves, told me I needed to put on weight so I would get a bigger butt (real winner, I know) so I did. I put on another 15-20 lbs, but not in the right areas. My face was most noticeabley fatter. Then we broke up and I spiraled. I couldn't make myself let go of the situation, this manipulative person who had talked their way into my life with their smooth words and compliments was suddenly the entire focus of my existence. And I tried to fight my way back into his life.  My mom told me she thought I was depressed. And I was. But I told her she was crazy and didn't speak to her for 2 weeks.  This continued on for quite some time, until I met my husband during Thanksgiving break my senior year. And things were wonderful, but I was still in my own web of depression, and it took until my super senior year to figure out what the problem was. I took an online survey and it said that I needed to see a counseler, because it was most likely I was depressed.

So then started a new life of counseler visits and trying to graduate, which I finally did in June 2011.  In all that time my weight fluctuated quite a bit I had even gotten lost 20 lbs my super senior year, but I was still only 220 lbs. After graduation of course, I came home to mom's cooking every night, whereas I had lived off salads mostly for the past few months, Nathan and I got engaged and a year later we were married on September 15, 2012. So here I am a happy newlywed, but the one thing that makes me unhappy is my weight. I am now at 260 lbs, where I have been holding steady for almost a year now.