Tired of Being Tired

So I have started keeping a daily journal that I carry around with me. I want to use it to track what I eat and I know that there are a gazillion fitness aps out there that do the same thing but I love to write and I hate not getting to really express myself and pour my heart into my feelings through my pen.

I have also started grading myself based on workouts and nutrition daily. Yesterday I got a D because I didn't work out and I drank Sweet Tea all day long instead of just at dinner. I also am trying to get in 24 oz of water before lunch and 24oz after lunch before I go home for the day. I knew a girl in college that carried a gallon water jug around with her. When asked why, she says it motivates me to drink because the more I drink, the less heavy it will get. Now this girl had maybe 12 % body fat on her. She was ridiculously fit. But I thought how awesome it was that even people who are in that kind of shape have to find creative ways to motivate themselves.

My current motivation has been typing in Summer on Pinterest and just looking at everything. From skinny girls in bikinis to a book laying in the grass. Those things to me just encompass summer and one thing I have missed is not feeling the freedom to just go outside and enjoy a summer's day because I'm not comfortable in my clothes. My shorts are too tight or too short but I refuse to buy those ones that go down to my knees because I just don't want too. When it's hot, my shirt clings and gets stuck in my rolls so that I'm constantly pulling at it. And its just a vicious cycle that I am tired of.

I want to be able to play cornhole on the beach in my bikini and not be completely self conscious. So that's my fight right now. I'm tired of being tired of it all. I don't want to deal with it anymore and as we are going to be moving into this new house I would love it if my neighbors didn't meet me as a fat person. Due to my body frame (which I am completely blessed with) An extra 20 or 30 lbs doesn't sit on me the way it would on my mother. I'm 5'11" with a broad frame and while she and I are both overweight, she weighs less than me but looks bigger because she is only 5'4".

So there it is: I'm tired of being tired of being fat. So I won't be anymore. So there.